I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
