Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
