Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
