She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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