Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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