You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
