R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
