So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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