Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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