So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
