Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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