Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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