I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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