Im at strip club and am horny
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
