Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
