We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
