Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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