Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
