He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
