when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
