This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
