Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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