he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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