Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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