This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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