Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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