If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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