I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
