I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
