last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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