oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
