How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
