He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
