Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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