She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
