Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
