his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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