We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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