I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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