I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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