a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
