Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
