Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just had sex on a roof
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
