In the future we'll all be gay
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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