I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
