Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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