the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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