You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Swine flu is the new snow day.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
