she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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