Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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