Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
